One Life Stand

Women, Black women in particular, frequently complain about how a "good man" is hard to find.  Then someone, usually but not always a man, accuses the women of overlooking the blue collar brothers.  So what do you do when you’ve found yourself a good blue collar brother and everyone gives you flack?

I was talking to an acquaintance on Saturday and she asked what was hubby’s profession.  She said she asked because her family gives her a hard time about the fact that her BF doesn’t have a professional job and was wondering if I had the same problem.  She has a master’s degree and is headed to med school soon.  She said her BF has a degree  but has a blue collar job (she didn’t specify what it was) and that everyone is critical of her choice of mate.  She said her parents have come around now that they know him better but the rest of the family is not so open-minded.  They continually suggest that she dump him and get back with her ex (who had a white collar job but treated her like crap).

I told her that the situation must be hard on her but as long as she’s happy and has her parents’ support, not to worry about the others.  While family wants what (they think) is best for you, sometimes the best comes in an unusual package.  A great example of that is her cousin (which is how I know her).  Everyone (I’ll admit, myself included) was a bit skeptical when she decided to marry a guy who was a few years younger than her and had no degree and no real career path at the time.  At the time, she was a corporate attorney making big bucks and owned her own place.  BUT…now that we’ve all gotten a chance to know her husband and see how they interact as well as how he is with their daughter…I honestly think he is the PERFECT guy for her.

Have any of you had a similar problem?  What advice would you give my acquaintance?

**This is a repost from the old blog**

I’m talking about women, Black women in particular. For years, I’ve listened as a steady stream of women gave the reasons they “get along” with and prefer the company of men over their fellow women. In fact, I’ve been guilty of giving my own list of reasons on more than a few occasions. As an aside, and maybe a post for another day, do white (or other non-Black) women have this same issue? If they do, I’m not aware of it but I would be even more disheartened if this is a phenomenon that only exists in our culture. But getting back to the point, a lot of the people I consider close – ride or die, bail you out of jail, loan you their last dollar, give you a kidney – friends are men and the women that are included in my inner sanctum are ones I’ve known for 10+ years. Surely, ALL women aren’t catty, man-bashing jezebels. So why all the disdain?

Is it really that hard to find women who share your interests and beliefs and will have your back to boot? From the stories you hear, it would appear women have a harder time finding a good woman than men do. Then again, my grandmother always said that good friends are hard to find and if you can count yours on more than one or two hands, you don’t have as many friends as you think you do. I know some of my own unwillingness to socialize with “new”, unknown women is my low tolerance of hen parties, as one of my male friends calls them. I know everyone, male or female, needs to vent sometimes but honestly, it gets old after a while. I dislike using such a broad brush because I know it isn’t an accurate portrayal but I have a hard time sitting around listening to the same old all men are dogs, I ain’t got no money but I get my toes done every week, I can’t find a good man but I’m trying to get one of my three bad ones to pay my light bill prattle.

However, all that said. I still don’t know the answer to the question. Why can’t we all just get along?