Why can’t we all just get along?
June 20, 2007**This is a repost from the old blog**
I’m talking about women, Black women in particular. For years, I’ve listened as a steady stream of women gave the reasons they “get along” with and prefer the company of men over their fellow women. In fact, I’ve been guilty of giving my own list of reasons on more than a few occasions. As an aside, and maybe a post for another day, do white (or other non-Black) women have this same issue? If they do, I’m not aware of it but I would be even more disheartened if this is a phenomenon that only exists in our culture. But getting back to the point, a lot of the people I consider close – ride or die, bail you out of jail, loan you their last dollar, give you a kidney – friends are men and the women that are included in my inner sanctum are ones I’ve known for 10+ years. Surely, ALL women aren’t catty, man-bashing jezebels. So why all the disdain?
Is it really that hard to find women who share your interests and beliefs and will have your back to boot? From the stories you hear, it would appear women have a harder time finding a good woman than men do. Then again, my grandmother always said that good friends are hard to find and if you can count yours on more than one or two hands, you don’t have as many friends as you think you do. I know some of my own unwillingness to socialize with “new”, unknown women is my low tolerance of hen parties, as one of my male friends calls them. I know everyone, male or female, needs to vent sometimes but honestly, it gets old after a while. I dislike using such a broad brush because I know it isn’t an accurate portrayal but I have a hard time sitting around listening to the same old all men are dogs, I ain’t got no money but I get my toes done every week, I can’t find a good man but I’m trying to get one of my three bad ones to pay my light bill prattle.
However, all that said. I still don’t know the answer to the question. Why can’t we all just get along?
I think the majority of people get along. There is something about a negative or bad experience that sticks with people and drives them to generalizations. Sorta like Asians assume all black people wear lots of jewelry and go to church all the time. There are people in the group that are true to the stereotype but it isn’t the norm.
I’ve had 98% positive interactions with women. I grew up surrounded by large groups of women who loved each other, supported each other, laughed together, and didn’t talk about each other behind their back. They talk bad about you while you are there.
Now finding people male or female that share the same interests or beliefs is another matter. Unless they grow up in your house that is always hard to get. But once we appreciate the differences in people, I think getting along is simple.
Comment by c2a — June 20, 2007 @ 5:06 pm
Most women I meet don’t think about this. They just want to get married.
Comment by The OE — June 20, 2007 @ 10:49 pm
Good post and a good question. Good female friends are hard to find because we (black women) never like to give props when they are due. We always want to critiize and talk about other black women. Instead of staying, “Girl that’s a bad outfit”, we say “Oh she think she cute”. Instead of hating on ohter black women, we need to encourage one another and it should start when we are little girls and not when we are woman.
Comment by Diva — June 28, 2007 @ 11:22 am
I agree with Diva. Women tend to be too jealous of each other.
I have one “loan my last dollar”/”give a kidney” friend who I’ve been friends with since the 5th grade. We’re more like sisters at this point in our lives and although she is now married with two children and I’m single with no children we are still close as ever.
I have no problem meeting new friends. I treat everyone as a friend UNTIL you do something to prove otherwise.
Comment by Tamfoxx — June 29, 2007 @ 3:20 pm