Now that you’ve found a good man
June 25, 2007Women, Black women in particular, frequently complain about how a "good man" is hard to find. Then someone, usually but not always a man, accuses the women of overlooking the blue collar brothers. So what do you do when you’ve found yourself a good blue collar brother and everyone gives you flack?
I was talking to an acquaintance on Saturday and she asked what was hubby’s profession. She said she asked because her family gives her a hard time about the fact that her BF doesn’t have a professional job and was wondering if I had the same problem. She has a master’s degree and is headed to med school soon. She said her BF has a degree but has a blue collar job (she didn’t specify what it was) and that everyone is critical of her choice of mate. She said her parents have come around now that they know him better but the rest of the family is not so open-minded. They continually suggest that she dump him and get back with her ex (who had a white collar job but treated her like crap).
I told her that the situation must be hard on her but as long as she’s happy and has her parents’ support, not to worry about the others. While family wants what (they think) is best for you, sometimes the best comes in an unusual package. A great example of that is her cousin (which is how I know her). Everyone (I’ll admit, myself included) was a bit skeptical when she decided to marry a guy who was a few years younger than her and had no degree and no real career path at the time. At the time, she was a corporate attorney making big bucks and owned her own place. BUT…now that we’ve all gotten a chance to know her husband and see how they interact as well as how he is with their daughter…I honestly think he is the PERFECT guy for her.
Have any of you had a similar problem? What advice would you give my acquaintance?
Personally, if I got a man my fam would fall out. Then of course they would still have something to say or joke about. There is a saying: “What you think of me isn’t any of my business.” I am slowly learning to follow that.
As for the blue collar thing, if he takes care of business then who cares. Also, if he has other progressive goals in life who cares if he is blue collar. In the end, is she happy with their relationship. Those folks aren’t in the relationship. Plus if she has her parents support why bother about the others.
When I was growing up, I thought being a “suit” and marrying one would be the ultimate. Then I looked at my father figure who raised a family off his blue collar job and he had college education and I was like as long as he makes me happy and takes care of business who cares what collar he wears.
Ok I am getting off my soapbox. LOL.
Comment by shai — June 27, 2007 @ 2:19 pm
To be honest…I’ve only dated one blue collar man. He was a fireman. Nothing wrong with the profession…in fact…one of the MOST honorable.
However…I found that I never was in an environment to meet a blue collar guy so I guess I gravitated to more of what I was personally familiar with.
This is interesting. I hope you don’t mind if I link it.
Comment by CreoleInDC — June 27, 2007 @ 8:04 pm
I always hear how people should give blue collar men a chance. This has me thinking about post I should write. As for your friend…if her man treats her well then everyone else should not matter. They do not have to live her life. She does. You can not live your life by committee. Well, you can, but forget that.
Comment by Miz JJ — June 27, 2007 @ 10:24 pm
Well, I am a daughter of a blue collar worker, and frankly, much like other good men they take care of business & take care of home. My suggestion is that she focuses and makes sure that she states clearly that she is interested in the quality of the man and a job says nothing - absolutely nothing - about the quality of who a man is. A job says nothing about his character, his willingness to sacrifice, to cover, to care and be tender with her, to go the extra mile for her benefit it is just a job with a title. If he is happy with what he does, be happy with and for him. I have never known money or a job title to keep a marriage - a GREAT marriage, together. Love, understanding, honesty, support etc. has and does on a daily basis everyday. Now if he can’t or won’t do, that is one thing, but if they are happy together and he takes care of business, tell the fam and all friends to go kick rocks in a dark corner preferrably far away from them.
Comment by Nikita — June 28, 2007 @ 10:16 am
To be honest I haven’t dated any blue collar men. But I have friends that have and the problem that I’ve heard comes up time and time again is money, and I guess social graces (for lack of a better word). When the white collar woman made more money it was always an issue that got thrown out there during an arguement. And my friend was concerned about how her husband behaved at corporate events and other occassions. Her husband was speaking to a VP at her company christmas partt and she was terrified that he may say something inappropriate.
Comment by TJ — June 28, 2007 @ 5:31 pm