Common sense isn’t that common
July 5, 2007Things have been busy lately so I’ll leave with you another repost from the old blog…
There are three things in life that are certain - death, taxes and coed conversations turning into bashing of the opposite sex. While I was enjoying the great outdoors this past weekend, just such a conversation ensued. One slightly older woman (mid-40s perhaps) decided to jump on the bandwagon with her own personal "proof" that men just can’t be trusted.
She met a guy while out of town at a professional conference. They exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for a few weeks. There appeared to be a mutual interest so they decided to meet. He was to drive to the city where she lived and have dinner with her. For whatever reason (she didn’t elaborate on this part), they decided not to go to dinner and to make it a "Blockbuster night" instead. She arranged to meet him at a nearby gas station. She stated that before she left to meet him, something told her to lock one of the french doors leading into her bedroom "just in case." She met him at the gas station as planned and they went to the video store. She let him choose the movie and he paid for it with her not knowing the movie he’d selected. They got to her house and he turned on the movie. She said while she wouldn’t go as far to call it porn, the movie was definitely of a highly sexual nature. She got up, turned the movie off and told the guy that she wanted to end the date. He then flipped out on her, threw her to the ground and tried to strangle her. She was able to flee into the bedroom and quickly latch the door behind her (having already latched one door earlier in the evening). She called a friend, who called the police but the guy left before they arrived.
While there is no excuse for his behavior, the situation definitely could have been avoided by using some common sense. But since we all know common sense isn’t that common, here are the five rules for first dates.
- A first date should NOT occur at your home (or his home, for that matter). You should plan to meet (as in NOT have him pick you up) in a very public location. This is for your safety. Just because he seems really cool does not mean that he isn’t crazy. Always leave yourself an out and don’t put yourself in a situation where you are alone with him. There will be plenty of time for that later (as in after the third date or so).
- Let someone know where you’re going, with whom and when they should expect you back. In college, we would actually ask to see ID before our friends went on dates. Having the guy’s REAL NAME (yeah all your boys call you Slim but what does your birth certificate say?) and address can be a great deterrent for your garden variety idiot (of course, it won’t help if he’s certifiably insane). This isn’t just for teenagers though. If you go missing on Friday night, there’s a better chance of being found if someone realizes you’re missing on Saturday morning as opposed to Wednesday morning because you haven’t showed up at work for three days.
- Take enough money (preferably in cash) to pay for your meal/movie/whatever and get home. You do not want to make yourself beholden to someone you barely know. If you’re halfway through your lobster and he decides he’s not paying for your gold-digging (just kidding) arse, you could be in a sticky situation. Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying you actually have to pay for yourself but you should have enough money to do so if the need arises.
- Along the same lines, don’t be greedy! A first date is not an opportunity to try all the stuff you can’t afford or are too cheap to buy for yourself. If you know you don’t have enough loot (or wouldn’t buy even if you had the loot) for three rounds of drinks, an appetizer, surf n turf, dessert AND coffee afterwards, then don’t order it! It’s just like a business meal, when in doubt, take your cues from the person who’s paying. And for those of you who can afford and would normally order all of the above, that’s great BUT show a little consideration. Would YOU really want to come out of pocket for $150+ on a first date? I didn’t think so…
- I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying - why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free. Well quit giving out tastes when you know the milk isn’t for sale. Now I’m a firm believer in "no means no" but if you have NO intention of giving him the goodies, don’t be a tease. It’s not cute and you’re asking for trouble. If you play with fire long enough, you’re bound to get burned. Nuff said.
Amen. She’s very lucky she wasn’t seriously hurt. Why would anyone invite a strange man back to their place? WOW.
Hey, I’ve seen stranger things. I knew a girl who not only, invited a strange man back to her place, but did so while her toddler son was home. The son woke up scared and climbed in the bed with her. He (the son) was not at all happy to find a strange man in there too!
Comment by 1969 — July 6, 2007 @ 3:27 pm
Thank goodness she was not hurt. But dang, he knew where she lived. Scary.
Sadly, the dating world has succumbed to the dating at home. Meeting at someone’s house or mine is not a date. Way too many folks have done that. I have had dates over but that was after a long time of knowing them and interacting outside of my home.
I wouldn’t even call it dating. It’s more like hanging out or kicking it. A date involves actually going somewhere.
Comment by shai — July 6, 2007 @ 3:59 pm
Excellent repost.
Internet daters and the like need to take heed. I know so many women who have allowed a guy to visit them on the first date…not good.
Comment by Violet — July 7, 2007 @ 1:57 pm
I have a tough time coming up offa $15 and you’re talking about $150!! :)
It sucks to be a guy sometimes. I’ve talked to lots of guys who encountered women who wanted to go to Chez Expensive for a first date. I’m not saying she’s a gold digger…
And I agree with Shai…coming over to my house and eating up my food is NOT a date. We ladies need to stop lowering the bar for ourselves.
Great post!
Comment by Dawn — July 9, 2007 @ 5:59 pm
Dating is scary business these days. I have engaged in my fair share of risky behavior, but I am all good now. Sometimes I know the only reason I am still alive is because God is not ready for me yet.
Comment by Miz JJ — July 9, 2007 @ 9:47 pm
Great post. I’m sorry your friend had to deal with that.
Btw, I’m back online. Stop by for a visit!
Comment by Angie — July 10, 2007 @ 3:42 pm